my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
