Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
