My first STD was from a foam party
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
