Already got asked if we're dating
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
