I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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