Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
