Four minutes until I can fart!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
