Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
