im holly from the hills drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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