the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
