just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
