ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
