just tell him i said nine months
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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