On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
