Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
