take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
