Porn is love you can see.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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