i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
