Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
