My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
