I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
