i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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