I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
