THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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