If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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