Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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