just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
