Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
