if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
