so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
