He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
