my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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