So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
