everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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