I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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