just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
