i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
