Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found puke in my bra..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
