I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tell your sister to shave her snatch
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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