My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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