Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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