She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
