$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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