Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

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(415): View more from California

Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

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(315): View more from New York

when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'

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(310): View more from California

She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL

(310): View more from California

so no, not her best night

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore

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(619): View more from California

I called you last night? What did I say??

(707): View more from California

That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...

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(312): View more from Illinois

It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.

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