Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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