I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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