Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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