I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
