we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
