Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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